Summer Camping

The canopy of overhead branches helps to keep you cool, but it still doesn’t sate the mosquitoes thirst. Sweat clings like a second skin and the lake tempts you in, the water likely cool enough to be refreshing, but warm enough to be comfortable. Instead you slip off your shoes and socks and walk along the edge, giving a sigh of relief where the water touches.

There are shadows beneath the surface signaling life you can’t see just beyond your sight. For a moment you think about being a fish, maybe a shark. You’re sure you’ve heard of freshwater sharks, but you can’t be sure. It’s a light enough thought to shrug off easily.

The trek back to the trail is quick and easy and it’s not much longer until you’re back at camp, starting the fire before the sun starts to set. You wipe your brow and feel gross but satisfied. The loud quiet of nature is easy on your ears, much easier than the sounds of the city and you feel in your achy muscles that sleep will come easily tonight.

late nights

we whispered in the dark
as though afraid to break the silence

our stifled laughter filled up the dark room
and our bodies made the covers shuffle

the silhouettes of our faces could barely be seen
but I could still find your lips in the dark

imagined lover

you remind me of the smell of old books
and the feeling you get when you look at the stars
you make me think about the world, and feel at one with it

your hands, like anchors to keep me grounded
but not chained,
are soft yet sturdy and sure

your eyes are full and vast,
and I know there is no judgement there
but only an understanding

our hands will meet like gears
and I will be everything you want
and you will be mine

a cold burn

the way your breath catches
the way your heart skips
the dry mouth
and heat rising

a first kiss after the crave
the ache of a good missing
the phantom touches
and you open your eyes

but they’re gone

only a moment

find me in the place
where trees sway
and I am the heaviness
in the air
and the twinkle of
the stars

I will be waiting
as the northern star
and the fireflies
that wait for the
right time

then lose me in the
fog, in the mists,
in the tall grass
and the way your
heart sings

little chaos

I wanted to know
if you’d steal the air from my lungs
and the kiss from my lips

if our bodies might be like snakes
or maybe gears

take the ache in my bones
and the tired in my skull
and eat them up

until it’s all gone

close, but no cigar

he was like capturing a butterfly
with bare hands
so delicate and beautiful
but my hands couldn’t hold on forever –
they would crush him if I held on too

I let him fly away
and his colors dazzled me
and the way he didn’t fly off too far,
too fast,

he landed close to me
kind of like waiting to see if
I would retrieve him again or not
and I bit my lip and I thought about it

I considered keeping him in a jar
I considered making [crude] sketches
I considered letting him free and wild in my home
but I knew he didn’t belong there

so I bit my lip until it bled
I bit my lip until his wings began to flutter
I bit through the skin when he left

what a wonderful winter we’re having

Cuddled cozy on the couch
could we keep this cool weather coming
with hot cocoa and cookies and candy
clocks ticking, cold and tucked, the glass fogging

candles are flickering
shadows are dancing
keeping cheer and comfort abounding

yet another letter I won’t send.

I went on a date today. It was a perfectly fine date and I was charming and it was fairly easy.

He was nice. He was nice and perfectly fine. He told me he wanted to see me again and I smiled and nodded, and agreed.

On the drive home I missed you so much I couldn’t breathe. I thought of your skin, and your arms. I thought of your chipped tooth and the shape of you.

I got home and couldn’t stop crying. I tried so hard just to breathe and all I could feel was the ache of missing you and the knowledge we would never be together again.

I want to tell you. I wanted to see your name on my phone and I wanted to tell you that I missed you. I wanted to tell you that I still love you, I know it wouldn’t change anything, but the want was still there.

I didn’t. I know it would only hurt me more. I thought it might hurt you, too. I don’t know if you’re struggling like I am, and I don’t want to know – I guess.

For a moment, you were the love of my life. Right now, I think you still are.

Sometimes I think maybe you won’t fade into the background, because it still hurts like the first day without you.

You’re all I want, and the only person I ache for.

I’m so in love with you and it kills me.

No one else compares, because no one else is you.

amber hope

you’ve licked the glass clean
tongued it so hard
you’d thought it was prom night again
and that glass was going to bring you
the release you’d been longing for

but instead it sits there, empty
except your own saliva glistening from the rim
and then it’s not empty
and you’ve been stranded with nothing to eat or drink
and this glass of whatever you’ve poured in,
this glass will bring you to peace

every drink, every mouthful
burns like the gates of heaven
keeping a sinner out
but at least you’re there, aren’t you
the golden light going down your throat
bright enough to dull the sting of it

and then you’re back on that desert island
trapped, deserted,
all alone but for the glass shimmering back at you,
you mouth aching yet filling with more want

you’re getting tired but as the glass fills
you know you’re not on an island,
but a ship, and you drink like you’re on vacation
closing your eyes and feeling the waves,
dipping out of sleep and into your glass
until either you or it passes out empty